I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
