i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
