you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize