the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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