Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
