there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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