Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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