Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
