i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
