We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize