I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
