will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
