break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
