I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
try to milk me bitch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
