Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
