I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
