we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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