My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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