Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
