Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
