Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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