Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
