Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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