He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
