I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
