It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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