My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
