You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
