census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
