Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize