We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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