At least make sure they are 18
Why
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
