Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
