Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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