Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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