she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
