I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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