I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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