she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
