Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
