im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
