Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
