I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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