im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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