i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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