so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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