if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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