i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
