3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
