my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
