Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
