gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
