Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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