Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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