what day is it and did you see me today?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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