I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize