just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
