I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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