I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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