i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize