Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
