I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
