worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
