Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
are you still at the devil's house?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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