I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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