your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
