The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
