If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize