you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
