I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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