Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
