haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
